ok, so i just got a request to restart my blog. it has been forever and i am not sure i have enough stuff to put in this. i know in the past i actually came up with some interesting stuff, but i am wondering if i kind of let all my creative juices flow all over the ground and that was kind of it for me. well we will see. the good news is that i dont have to capitalize in blogs...... at least i am not supposed to have to, but that may insult some folks. oh well , i have been doing that for so long i guess i should not be surprised.



i have noticed recently that i have a lot of mood issues...................yeah, i know that is no surprise to anyone that knows me, but i have been trying to take the opportunity to notice my "issues" and see what i can do to influence them for the good of myself and those around me ..........even if they dont care. so , like i said mood issues. as some of you know i have recently been employed in a "permanent" job. its kind of funny really, the term permanent....i mean in this day and age there is really no such thing as job security or a permanent position, but for the sake of argument, my position is permanent in the sense that i now have benefits, vacation days and all those other things that most people take for granted. i have not had a job like that since we moved to Texas a little over 5 years ago. so now i have a job i love that is 8 miles from my house and doing something i love and etc etc etc. and some days i find myself wondering when the next shoe is going to drop.

i know being a "person of faith" i should not have that feeling and the good Pentecostal in me says i should "bind that thought in Jesus name and cast it in the pit", but the human side of me says" yeah , well it has been a bit strange for the past few years so maybe you should just be weary of the blessing" that is one of my issues too. i can have two sided conversations with myself. the good news is that i can not help but be the winner, the bad news is i dont always like the ideas of the winning side.

The good thing is that this feeling has driven me to work even harder to do the best job i can. i know i should be doing that anyway , and i believe that i normally do, but now it feels like i have a reason to do even better.

now the conundrum. am i a: doing a better job because i am afraid if i dont i will lose my job . or b: I am doing a better job because i actually like what i am doing and am grateful for the opportunity i have been given......or should it even matter WHY ? it is just a good thing. Boy am i glad i didn't use the old " on the other hand scenario because i would have to of had three hands..............

so at this point i guess i should try to draw a conclusion.................. wait for it.................wait for it..............sorry , dont have one. i think i have decided in my life that while i want to do the best i can and i want to understand myself, i just dont sometimes.

To blog or not to blog

It has been a long lime. About 5 years to be exact and I am thinking to start the blog again. I think it is more for my personal interest than to be read by others. I guess what I'm really saying is i dont care if someone reads it or not, I am just not willing to send the emails to people anymore.

So much has gone on in the past five years. A move to Texas, a motorcycle accident, five bouts of unemployment and so on and so on .

I think more than anything i need a place to vent. So let's see how it goes.

is prayer just verbal??

I was thinking recently of a book that I read a few years back called My Grandfathers Blessings. The book was by Rachel Naomi Remen MD. Her specialty was dealing with people that had been diagnosed as terminally ill. The book was a book of hope. I know that may sound strange, but it dealt with many of the success stories that can come out of life’s situations that do not seem to make sense.

My favorite chapter was about a mother that had a terminally ill son. He was very young; still in his primary school years. While he would be in his bed unconscious from various treatments and drugs, his mother would sit by his bed and place her hand underneath the covers on his leg and close her eyes. When the Dr. asked if she was praying she said calmly no, she was seeing in her mind him running again, going to his first dance, graduating from high school, going to college, and his wedding and his future children.

I remember being struck by this story. I remember thinking, while she said that she was not praying, I would say she was.

I am not someone that believes we can visualize something into existence. And quite frankly I am glad we can’t. I mean let’s be honest and look back on all the things that we wanted to happen throughout our lives. In retrospect would they have all been good things for us? No, my faith assures me that only God can make something by his thoughts or visualizing. But the story still intrigued me.

Seeing something whether actual or virtual is a powerful thing.

We have heard it said that a picture paints a thousand words, and that seeing is believing.

The ancient church understood this very well. Before the printing press the possibility of having a copy of the scriptures in your hand was next to impossible. Even when the printing press came into being the scriptures were not available to the common man. So how were the common people going to be able to remember and understand the stories of the Bible? They would need to be able to see a picture, but how? That is how stained glass windows came into being for the church. They were created to give the common person a visual of the great stories of scripture.


I believe that some people are gifted in expressing themselves in words while others are gifted in expressing them selves with pictures and/or visuals. Walt Whitman was gifted in words, Mark Twain was gifted in words, Rembrandt was gifted in visuals, and Monet was gifted in visuals.

I believe that the women was praying, in possibly the only way she could, She was visualizing in her mind what her petition could have been in her words. She was asking in her thoughts what she was desiring in her heart.

God knows the hearts of people. He is not limited by the hearing of words. So what makes us think he is limited to our thoughts when they are in visualization as opposed to words? When we pray in our minds to God do we really see words? Some of us may, but I bet most of us don’t.

I believe that God is not limited by what man does or does not do. If I didn’t believe that then I would not believe him to be God.

I think that we need to understand that prayer, our hearts crying out to God comes in different forms to different people and to limit them to just words gives people a limited view of God’s love, grace and mercy.

why i am not now or would ever want to be identified as a fundamentalist.

i remember being in high school when i first heard the term fundamentalist. at that point it described a person that believed in the scriptures and held them up as a personal standard……….at least that is what i thought it meant.


now i realize that the term is not a complementary one.

fundamentalism at its core is a rebellion. it is a rebellion against the modern world and a defense mechanism used because some fear “loosing our faith.” now some people would say that the answer to fundamentalism is secularism. i for one have never understood why things are looked at as so black or white, for or against, with me or against me.

most fundamental christians would say “but i am just going by the bible. “ the key here is how we look at or interpret that bible. remember, there are many different people that have used the Bible as their basis for their view and or actions. there are three different examples that come to mind dr martin luther king, mother theresa and the kkk.

I think the opposite of fundamentalism is not secularism, but better faith. i for one think that if you confess a faith in Jesus Christ you need to understand that we do not live in fear (2 Tim 1:6-7), but in triumph( 1 John 4:4). what is there to fear? ( Rom 8:35).

i find it very interesting that we as modern day christians seem to fear the possible loss or percussion of our faith. we fear that we as americans will live in a country that will no longer care about the laws of God, we feel that we will be judged if we don’t hold up the country to the law. well, I don’t mean to be a defeatist but guess what, if God is going to judge this country for turning away from His laws then it will happen because of what has already happened.

am i saying that we should not speak out regarding issues of morality??? no, what i am saying is that it is time we need to look at our recent past. by recent, i mean the last hundred years or so and see what people of faith use to champion. . people that would have identified themselves as fundamentalist have been aligned more with what we would now have called “the left”. they were part of leading the cause against slavery, child labor laws and women’s right to vote. now if you would ask non christians what a christian stands for, it would be against gay marriage and abortion. i am not saying these are not worthy causes, what i am saying is what has changed us from fighting for peoples rights and major concerns to against peoples rights.

i for one stand in the line of people that consider them selves pro life, but are we so adamant against abortion that instead of trying to get more lives saved we go for the
“all or nothing” stance. i know i may be an idealist, but i wonder how many babies we could have saved over the years if we came to a middle of the road stance of saying that abortion should only be performed in the case of rape/incest. i want to save every life that i can, but are we loosing the battle to save babies until we can have the total victory?

now i know i may loose some of you here but i have to be honest. what will we really loose if gay people are allowed to marry? if we are concerned that the definition of family would be altered for life, then i have to say yes, it already has. most christians that I talk to do not go so hard line that they would not want to allow gay people some kind of formal union. Sso again, do we loose the battle to show our strong family values by standing so strong against this issues that we neglect the broader spectrum.

do we know that the stats on divorce for the first time are higher in the church than without? what are we doing to make that a fact of the past? i would think that strong marriages would be a great testimony to our family values.

i am not saying that you should not stand for either of these causes, what I am saying is could it possibly be time to be seen as people of reconciliation.

i heard an interesting stat from donald miller, a christian author and emerging church leader. he said that currently the three most feared people in the u.s. are first serial killers, second child molesters and third evangelical christians. could it be because all of the above are seen as forcing their wants and desires upon people no matter what? i can hear so many people saying “are you actually comparing serial killers and child molesters to christians?? well yes and no. i am only speaking of how we are viewed by the rest of the world. now i know, we are not looking for the acceptance of the world, but i also don’t see that we are called to be the finger of God.

last time i checked we were not given the responsibly of convicting the word of their sin, but we were called to give a glass of water to the thirsty, help the widows and orphans and bring the good news of Christ’s reconciling power..

in this country we have the right to stand for what ever we want ; all people in the country do. what i would love to see is us using our political clout to help those that can not help them selves.

read the new testament and you will see that every time Jesus went to a new place he dealt with the heart felt need of the people . He did that before he even started to preach.

could that be our call ? to deal with the real needs of people before anything else?

i am sorry if I have asked to may questions in this email/blog , but these are questions that are dear to my heart.


i leave you with a quote from one of my favorite books of scripture


james 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows ( the poorest of the poor in biblical times) in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Published !!!!! sort of

I was excited to see that the web site www.theooze.com published one of my articles. It was kind of a shock because I sent it to them so long ago and forgot all about it. The article is also in the archives on the blog. It is titled “The parable of the coffee Bean”. I am going to give the link so you can check it out and leave a comment if you wish.

http://www.theooze.com/articles/article.cfm?id=1256

forgiveness

I have to admit that the stories of the recent tragedy with the Amish has captivated me ..

Their practice of forgiveness was clearly shown in four public acts over the course of a week. First, some elders visited Marie Roberts, the wife of the murderer, to offer forgiveness. Then, the families of the killed girls invited the widow to their own children’s funerals. Next, they requested that all relief monies intended for Amish families be shared with Roberts and her children. And, finally, in an remarkable and almost unbelievable act of reconciliation, more than thirty members of the Amish community attended the funeral of the killer.

As I think about this I have to say that I am astonished and ashamed. In fact, maybe I should say that I am ashamed that I am astonished.

This is a prime example of forgiveness or even more important it is a perfect example of making peace

The actions of the Amish not only was a witness that the Christian God is a God of forgiveness, but they made a place where forgiveness could happen. They became a example of what we call Christ –likeness. In one of the most gutsy and faithful ways , they went about imitating Christ: “Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.” In doing this they did not think about forgiveness. They forgave. And isn’t forgiveness a major teaching of Jesus? We should forgive because God forgave us; in forgiving, we participate in God’s dream of reconciliation and shalom.

WOW!

i was listening to the pod cast of a ministry called xxxchurch the other day and came across this story. it is a little lengthy, but well worth the 5min it will take to read it.

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS.
by jamie tworkowski

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

i was blown out of the water when i read this. to me , this is where Jesus would want us to be.

will history repeat itself?

any of you who study the history of the christian church of were raised lutheran will probably know who dietrich bonhoeffer was. he was a german lutheran theologian and pastor whose works concern christianity in the modern world; an active opponent of nazism, he was arrested and sent to buchenwald and later executed for his part in an attempt to assassinate hitler.
in my reading recently i came across a quote that was from a sermon he gave on 2 corinthians 12:9
"Christianity stands or falls with its revolutionary protest against violence, arbitrariness and pride of power and with its plea for the weak. Christians are doing too little to make these points clear rather than too much. Christendom adjusts itself far too easily to the worship of power. Christians should give more offense, shock the world far more, than they are doing now. Christians should take a stronger stand in favor of the weak rather than considering first the possible right of the strong."
although i do understand the context of his sermon was in WWII germany, i think it has a lot to say about our world today.

as this election time approaches we need to understand that we are in a unique position in the united states. we have the ability to vote, and by doing so affect the policy of the strongest and richest nation in the world.

my prayer for myself and all the other christians is that we will take a stronger stand for the weak of this world. that we, as the hands and feet of Jesus Christ in this world will do what we can to hold up those that can not hold up themselves.